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Cubonics
21 ways to annoy your co-workers:
1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially
effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
3. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by
these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry, I'm going
to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."
4. Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're
doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
5. "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes
since you did this.
6. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
7. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
8. Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people
you're waiting for your document.
9. Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have
time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting.
During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
10. Insist that your e-mail address be:
"zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"
11. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want
fries with that.
12. Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate
about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the
mail to a coworker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
13. Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
14. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized
chair dancing.
15. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
16. Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
17. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
18. Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny
Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
19. For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel
in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how
many you can catch in your mouth.
20. Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc.... in the
lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back,
pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
21. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
19 things to do in the bathroom stall to annoy your co-workers
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your
neighbor,"May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with
a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Damn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a
cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh
relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Tastes like humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically
under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,
"Whoa! Easy boy!!"
11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of
toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor.
Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now
what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt
cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicuously lay down your
"Cross-Dressors Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible
to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so
you can see your neighbor and say,"Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing
"Born Free"
